My journey

Wow. I have like 3 days left and then I will be returning home. That is so crazy. The past two and a half months have flown by so quickly. When I look back over the past 2 months, it feels like I just got here – but when I think about coming home I think about all of the things I have been without for a while: family, constant power and water, my car, my blue jean shorts, my hair dryer, homemade lemon ice cream, J I realize that I am very excited about coming home. It is a bittersweet feeling though because I am also sad about leaving. So allow me to sum up the past month…

After our trip when we finished hibernating, it was a really crazy week for Barry because there were about 5 trips going on at the same time and two of them were in Harare working at the volunteer projects. We didn’t want to be a burden so we just tagged along at the office, a few orphanages, etc. At the end of the week we went to Antelope Park for 3 days. Whoa that place is so awesome. It’s definitely one of my favorite places on earth. Antelope Park is a few hours away from Harare and in the center of Zim. It is a lion breeding project with lodges, campgrounds, and tents on the water, canoeing, lion interaction, elephant interaction, and really good food. My two most favorite things about that place are the drums they played to announce every meal and going to sleep every night listening to the resounding roaring of the lions. So cool. The place was so beautiful and peaceful. It is a great place to just get away. We got to interact with elephants by feeding them and riding them. I spent the majority of that time just reading and thinking about the past trip and what all God was showing me. We were there with a small group from South Africa. They were from like the ‘ghettos’ of South Africa and they were mixed races – between African and Dutch and German. The culture barrier was huge. They had to adjust their conversations and the way they spoke so we could understand them but I still had trouble at times. The conversations were very interesting. Anyway, we all had a wonderful time. I really want to go back there during their summer and take a group with me. You can swim with the elephants, lion feeding, walk with the lions, feed and play with baby cubs, etc. It’s a great place.

Once we were back in Harare we were working hard at the orphanages. Several days we worked on finishing up one of the older boys bedroom at St. Joseph’s. The older boys are about to finish up their primary school and once that bridge comes we don’t know what’s going to happen for them. All of those boys basically have no dreams or aspirations because according to the world their future is hopeless. There is no opportunity for further education in Zim. A university in South Africa is a very suitable option but comes with money and loads of work. Getting the money actually is the easier part of the process. You have to go through SO MUCH paperwork, finding an appropriate school, figuring up entire costs – including fees, boarding, food, supplies – in addition to getting a passport, which would be a very difficult process because since these boys are orphans there is no paperwork on them. They have no records of themselves – only their names. And this huge task is on the shoulders of Suzanne, who works for ACTS and has so many other responsibilities (her newlywed husband, all other orphanages and their problems, taking care of volunteers who come like Mandy and me, working in the ACTS office, etc). Once a structure is established in giving these boys a possible chance at a future, it will be easier for the rest. It’s just a matter of finding people willing to help with the dirty work. I would love to help make that possible. We will see in time what God has planned for that situation. My heart is breaking for those boys. I see it as an exciting challenge to make the impossible possible.

Zimre Park is another orphanage where we have spent some time. Once we went and had bible studies and played games with them. This last time we came and set up the projector and watched Madagascar 2. It was so much fun! We also brought them sodas and snacks. We had such a fun time just sitting and watching the movie with them. They absolutely loved it! It was such a great blessing.

I am so excited to have been a part of what all we did with the orphans, but my heart breaks for what all still needs to be done. We only completed one corridor and 3 rooms, reconstructed windows and light switches, patched up holes and floors, etc – but as far as painting goes, there is so much more to be done. The paint and supplies are sitting in a garage waiting for people to come and give their time. It has been quieter on the volunteer projects this year because of the political situation. So many people are afraid to come to Zim because they think it’s unsafe. Well I’ve been to a few places in my life and Harare is one of the safer places in Africa in which I have been. I wish we could have spent more time at all of the other orphanages. Looking back it felt like Harare was our home, our mission base, but we were always in and out. We have made some great friendships in Harare for sure.

When you are out of your comfort zone and crossing culture barriers and all sorts of crazy things, your true colors really come out… and I have got to say that not many people would be able to handle living with me 24 hours a day for 2 months and 10 days, but Mandy has gone above and beyond. We compromised based on our strengths and weaknesses quite nicely and we knew when to stay out of each other’s hair. She has been such an amazing encouragement to me and I am so thankful and blessed to have been able to have had this unforgettable experience with her. We have prayed together, cooked together, laughed together, and shared many unforgettable moments together. Side by side we have had our very frustrating moments but also our moments when we were simply overwhelmed by God’s glory and grace. My favorite moments with her include: laughing and singing while cooking, laying in our sleeping bags trying to sleep but couldn’t because we were amazed at what all God was showing us and doing through us, singing “Indescribable” while gazing at the moonbow in Vic Falls one night in Zambia, and praying together when we were afraid… and praying together when we were so thankful for God being faithful and providing.

Suzanne and Nic work for ACTS and are responsible for taking care of the volunteers. They were absolutely amazing. They are a newlywed couple and instead of working and spending time together they have been feeding us, providing all of our transportation, and working with us at the volunteer projects. They are so amazing and I am so thankful for them. Everyone we have spent time with in Harare is such an inspiration to us. They are truly living for the kingdom of God and what really amazes me is how open they are about it. I only share my struggles and what God’s doing in my life with my closest friends. I’ve realized that I need to change that. I was just amazed at how open they were at social gatherings and not just at church. I am used to seeing people like that at church and at lifegroups but not in every day life. For example we were at Barry’s house one afternoon for ‘tea and tennis’ having a good time when I see some talking about what all God is doing in their lives, what struggles they are having, and then I see a few men praying for another. It was just really refreshing and encouraging to me if that makes sense. When someone asks me how I am doing I don’t reply regarding my walk with God. I typically don’t include that in my small talk – I save that for the deep discussions and the pillow talks. Our relationship with God is the most important in our lives and having others to lean on and share things with is essential. A few weeks ago when I was reading about putting on the full armor of God, I came across 1 Peter 5:8, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” I was thinking about how lions prowl on the weak ones. When they see a herd, they seek and devour the ones who are straggling behind – the ones who are weak and not as strong as the rest of the group. That is how Satan comes after us. He attacks at our weak points, whatever we are struggling with. So if we haven’t laid our struggles out on the table and said, “here they are - I can’t handle them alone,” Satan will devour. We have to give our struggles along with everything else to God… but also share with others. Fellowship. Opening up to another really lightens the burden. When I give my troubles to God and not share them with anyone else for prayer or encouragement, I feel like I still have some sort of control over the situation and I know I shouldn’t. I should be completely vulnerable and open with my weaknesses to God and my brothers and sisters in Him. Everyone we spent time with in Harare really encouraged me. I was sad to leave.

But we had to leave because we were going to Capetown! It is SO AMAZING. We took hundreds of pictures and they do not do justice at all. Since Barry is from Capetown we had like the best tour ever. Needless to say he was the ultimate tour guide. It was so incredible to see mountains and beaches in the same location, every where you look. He took us to all the best places. It was flippin’ awesome! Normally this time of year the weather is really bad. It’s normally windy, rainy, and really cold – the end of their winter. But God really blessed our trip with sunshine and no rain, which is extremely unusual and we were there a good week. We were only in Capetown for a few days but we travelled along the southern coast so the total trip lasted about 9 days. It’s been absolutely incredible. It was the perfect way to end an unbelievable experience. We’ve been going nonstop for two months so it’s been amazing to have a little time for holiday and just to reflect back on the summer and what all God has done in our lives.

As far as a summary of my entire experience goes, I don’t even know where or how to start. I can’t even wrap my head around it. God really did pick me apart – shook my world and turned it upside down – in an amazing way. I feel like my feelings and emotions during this journey have gone in all different directions. He has blown me away with glimpses of his love for me, his beauty, and his sovereignty. One thing God was telling me to do from the beginning was to open my arms wide and be completely vulnerable to him - so he could mold and shape me into the person he created me to be. And I’ve done that and it’s been incredible. And I will continue to do so. I have a tendency of opening up quickly and being vulnerable and pouring out my heart to others but not as much to God. I’ve always had a steady relationship with Him but I feel it’s been only the tip of the iceberg. It hasn’t always been a deep, meaningful, and intimate relationship which is what it should be. And it's never been as deep, meaningful, and intimate as it has been these past two months. All along this journey I’ve been altering my perspectives on things – wasteful tendencies, things I take for granted that I am usually surrounded by like security, family, familiar surroundings, food, power, internet, water, communication, etc. At home I am surrounded by all of these things - everything I need (or what the world tells me I need). The past two months I have had to rely on God for these things. Help wasn’t just a phone call away. I had to completely surrender to God to provide. And every step of the way he did. Honestly there were times when I wanted to run and hide and not face my fears – to let someone else handle it. But God kept me safe every minute of every day, and very healthy (all summer people around me were sick but I never had a problem), he provided faithfully and abundantly, and I don’t know why I was afraid. I was forced to rely on him and I am so thankful that I was. Now I am more convicted now than ever that I cannot go back home and get caught up into my old routine. I was overwhelmed with business, I never even allowed much time for myself much less God – the one that should be my top priority. I have a thirst for the word and for God that I have never had before. And I am so excited! I am so excited that he showed me my purpose in life and how it strings together all of my desires, passions, and past experiences. I am so glad that he has given me a better understanding of myself, how I was created, and how mine and his relationship should be. It’s been unbelievable. Seriously my head is spinning thinking about it all. God is so good! Thank you so much for reading my blog. It’s so encouraging to me knowing that someone out there is reading them. Thank you for your comments, love, thoughts, and prayers. I encourage you to put yourself out of your comfort zone for a bit – not by taking a trip but by taking a risk, facing your fears head on, doing something different. It is such an amazing feeling to step out into the unknown and to be guided by God along the way. We are so blessed. I am so blessed. Words cannot describe how grateful and appreciative I am for all of the prayers and support. Thank you.

Zambia

Mandy and I just experienced our first trip guiding on our own and it was awesome! We survived! It was my second trip guiding but first time without someone holding my hand through everything. God has literally brought me to my knees in the past two weeks. I’ve experienced the craziest, most stressful days of my life – but also the best. The preparations began the day before the team arrived. Mandy and I flew from Harare to Livingstone and met up with Andrew, same driver from last trip, and set off to buy groceries, clean up the truck, and prepare for the trip. Well it took a few hours for us to cross the borders and we also had a huge search for diesel – every gas station was out of diesel. We arrived at the waterfront in the early afternoon, had a quick late lunch, and then set off to buy some groceries (grocery stores close at 6pm). Well grocery stores in Livingstone are terrible – they didn’t have anything we needed and the few things that we managed to work with were more expensive. We went back to the waterfront where we were camping and cleaned out the truck and made our big shopping list for the following morning. We got up extremely early because we were told the stores opened at 6am - we arrived to find out that the stores did not open until 7:30am. Shame. We were running around crazy trying to get the groceries and supplies we needed and we still had cooler boxes to wash out, food to put up, and equipment to rearrange in order to make more space for suitcases. We rushed to the airport at around 11:45am because the team’s flight arrived at 12:30pm – with bags of groceries still strolled around in the truck. As soon as we arrived at the airport Andrew realized he forgot his cell phone at the waterfront. So he dropped us off and went to go find his phone. So at 12:30pm when the team had arrived and was fetching their luggage, Mandy and I were standing at the front of the airport waiting for them with no truck. So we stood there and prayed continually for God to bring Andrew back quickly. Having to explain to the team that their transportation was not there for them and that they would have to wait doesn’t make the best first impression. A little over a minute after we were praying the truck showed up. Hallelujah! So Mandy ran to the truck to move the groceries and I waited outside of baggage claim, holding my sign that read, ‘Randy Presley’s group’. They went through immigration and saw me waiting for them. It was great to see all of their smiling faces. It was especially great to see Randy’s face – he is my old youth minister who led my first trip out of the U.S. as well as my first trip to Africa. So everything was thankfully going according to plan… other than the fact that we still did not have all of the food we needed. Boy, were my nerves going crazy at that point! And of course none of them must know what all we went through to get to that point. No worries, all smiles! So I feel like I was good with keeping calm but on the inside my nerves and thoughts were going crazy.

We ended up getting the rest of our food in another town the next morning while the team was having orientation. Thank you God! So the bush-camping experience was pretty luxurious. The girls stayed in the missionaries house (one set of missionaries we were working with is from their church in Arkansas and they live right next to the campgrounds) and the boys camped out, along with the interpreters and me and Mandy. We had a kitchen, eating area, and an incredible view of Lake Kariba. The campground was amazing – we were seriously warned of snakes, crocs, and hippos. We saw a couple of crocs and we had a few snake issues – Black Mambas which are serious snakes – a dog died from that type of snake just a few days before we arrived. Cool.

Okay so we bought groceries and planned menus for 19 team members (pax), 3 crew, 2 missionaries, and a couple of interpreters which would be around 27 or so people. Well as it turned out, we ended up cooking for 36 people. Adding another missionary family and more interpreters than expected, we were a little anxious. We prayed through every meal as we prepared it and each time God provided. We cooked spaghetti, steaks, potatoes/sweet potatoes, grilled chicken, green beans, mashed potatoes, banana bread, cheeseburgers and fries, chili, beef stew and rice --- the works! And if you know me you know I have very little experience cooking the big meals so you definitely should know that it was all God. I really was impressed with the way the food turned out. God was revealing things to us from memories because I was remembering things my mom did that normally I promise I would not remember – random things. And at the end of every day we had a little food leftover. God is so good.

The ministry was absolutely incredible. We had discussion time every evening after dinner and it was amazing to hear the stories of how God worked – how we worked in the peoples’ lives and how he worked in the members’ lives. Also during the discussion time every night a few individuals would share their testimonies. It is always a blessing to hear how people come to know Jesus and what all he’s doing in their lives currently. It was such an amazing blessing to me to just think about how amongst all of the stories you can see God behind the scenes, working out intricate details in so many people’s lives. It’s mind-blowing to think about that while he is working on me and showing me so much, he is also working on Mandy, the missionaries, the team, the interpreters, the Tonga people, all of our families back home, etc. It is so wonderful to serve a majestic God who loves us unconditionally and knows everything about us. And I will praise him in the good times as well as the bad times. There were definitely hardships to deal with on this trip. In the middle of the week I found out that my grandmother passed away. She had been back and forth in the hospital for so long so it was expected. But even when you are expecting something like that you still do not know how you will react. I am so thankful that my mother was able to contact Randy, who took me aside and told me and I could surround myself with things to do and people who cared about me. I could have found out when I was alone and riding down the road or something but God made sure I was surrounded by people I loved. I was heartbroken and I hated that I could not be there for my mom --- but I knew that God’s plan is perfect and his timing is perfect. He needed me to be here and not home. Then the next morning as Mandy and I were preparing for breakfast, I walked outside and watched the sunrise, and God gave me a peace that passes all understanding. The water was completely still, breathtaking, peaceful – unlike every other morning when it was really windy and the waves went in every direction. It was like God put his hand on my heart and comforted me. I knew everything was going to be okay – more than okay.
God was moving in everyone around me – and for me one thing he was teaching me was humility. There were times when I was running around trying to do everything myself and each time I had to stop and ask someone to help me. During those times I was thinking, “I am going to do this all by myself,” – not in hopes that everyone would see me but so I could prove to myself that I was capable. Well God showed me multiple times that I needed Mandy, I needed the team, and ultimately that I needed him. One afternoon I had a little break so I went and sat by the water. I just looked out at his beautiful creation and I felt overwhelmed with his love for me. I was simply awestruck – at his beauty, his majesty, his love for me and how unworthy I am. I felt like that was a glimpse of his love for me – only a glimpse. He has so much more to show me. An entire lifetime of things to show me. But I can’t just sit back and enjoy the show. I must seek him and pursue him with all of my heart. That doesn’t mean he reveals himself or his plan to us all at once – we must seek him and pursue him. Spend time with him. Our relationship with God is ultimately the most important relationship of our lives. We give so much of ourselves, our time, love, and effort into our earthly relationships – oh we should be giving SO MUCH MORE to our creator. The one who never leaves or forsakes us.

At the end of our beautiful week, our truck was having some problems and it broke down. Our alternate transportation had only enough room for the team, their luggage, and the tents – barely. We had to leave behind all of our food, equipment, eating utensils, chairs, etc. There was literally just barely enough room for everyone and their luggage. The transportation was an open safari truck along with a regular truck and a trailer. When those two vehicles pulled up Mandy, Randy, and I looked at each other and laughed. So it was an interesting few hours driving to Livingstone. Mandy, Andrew and I were in the regular truck, Randy in another truck with the missionaries James and Marci, and the team was bundled up in blankets and sleeping bags on the overland truck with tents and mattresses under their feet. The entire ride there Mandy and I were communicating with people trying to figure out the plan for food and transportation once we arrive. Those two trucks were hired just to take us to the waterfront where we were camping and then dropped off. At this point the team blew us away with their good positive spirits and their flexibility. The one driving our truck was Australian and Mandy and I had some deep conversations with him about God, Christianity, other religions, Africa, missions, etc. He basically believed that we all luckily evolved here on earth and that humans exist simply to live life and die and that’s it. Wow. It was awesome to see how God worked that out for his glory because Mandy and I got to share with him. It was so cool because the times when I wasn’t sure what to say or how to explain something, Mandy would jump in and dominate. And Mandy told me later that it was the exact same for her – when she didn’t know how to respond was when I would jump in. It was so cool! So we ended up living off of sandwiches, chips, and fruit for the next couple of meals – only during breakfast and lunch though. We went out for dinner both nights which was great. By the time those three days were over, everyone at the waterfront knew my face – from the ones at the reception desk to the workers in the activities office, cleaning staff, kitchen staff, and the guy running the internet café (I was checking the internet constantly for contact numbers, etc). They all knew us for sure because we were running around borrowing dishes and supplies, calling taxis, finding bureaus to exchange money for the team, organizing their activities, etc. It was quite hectic. But as for me – I was on cloud nine the entire time because step by step God was providing the way and working everything out. We had to fully rely on him and let him pave the way for us. And he did! The team had a fantastic day of activities which included game drives, jumping off bridges, and shopping. Unfortunately Mandy and I were not able to join them because we were running around shopping for food, exchanging money, sorting out transportation to the airport, and watching camp. But God faithfully worked everything out one step at a time and it was awesome. We went to the airport the last morning and said our farewells. Wes and Laurie took Andrew, Mandy, and me for ice cream and then to the border. We said our goodbyes to Wes and Laurie and then took a taxi to Hunters Lodge, African Encounter guesthouse. We crashed there for free, which was so awesome because we had power, hot showers, and comfy beds! Mandy and I said good night to Andrew and crashed as soon as we got there. It was about 5:00pm. Mandy was out within 20 minutes and I tossed and turned for a few hours and then finally drifted off around 8:00pm. It was so great to rest and to not think about 28 other people! I was just in the zone because I was so exhausted and so amazed at the same time. We had made it through our trip. Considering the stressful and unexpected situations that continually came our way, I thought we handled it pretty well. God is great! I feel like throughout the past two months he has been gradually revealing to me his unimaginable sovereignty and his unfailing love for me. He definitely showed me a lot during this trip. I am so grateful that he chose me.

Well we are currently spending our last days in Harare, saying our farewells to everyone and then we are off to Capetown, South Africa for the last week of our journey. Thank you so much for your love and support. Please pray for the people here. I am excited about returning home but I am also so heartbroken because there is so much here that needs to be done.

Orphans

While staying in Harare, Mandy and I have been working at different volunteer projects which include various orphanages and schools. One orphanage we have been spending time at is St. Joseph’s school for boys. There are roughly around 55 boys that stay there from the age of 10 to 18. The school is a large building that is in need of renovation. About 6 of us spent a few days there doing some practical work a couple of weeks ago and since then larger groups have come through and made some progress as well. We have been painting corridors and bedrooms, replacing light switches and windows. It has been such a blessing to be a part of it. Seeing the boys’ faces when we completed their room was such a reward. They were so excited! One of the boys said that his room was “completely perfect!” It’s amazing to see how much of a difference it makes in their lives. Along with painting their rooms and halls we have been able to talk to them and develop relationships with them. There are only a few rooms completed and that school is huge! There is so much work to be done there – they just need some people willing to give up their time to come. It’s so frustrating to me seeing the building in such a state and find out the only reason it is still that way is because they need people to come. The funds and supplies are there. They just need some volunteers. One night we went their after dinner and played games with them and shared a little bit about ourselves. Simply spending time with them and showing them you care means the world to them.

Another orphanage I have spent some time at is St. Katherine’s school for disabled children. That experience was really heartbreaking because there aren’t many teachers there. The environment is good but there are like 80 children there that need constant attention but only a few teachers that watch over them. We played with them for a few hours the other day and some were literally running to us. There were some though that were very withdrawn and I went to play with them. We were throwing balls back and forth, working on their hand-eye coordination, and I was so amazed at the progress I was making with them! There were a few children that wouldn’t even look at the ball if I rolled it to them but after a little time they were catching and throwing it back. Those few ladies that look after them are amazing – they have such hearts for helping the children but they can’t give them all of the attention that they need.

Another orphanage we have been to is Hatcliff. This orphanage is extremely sad. It’s a farm right outside of town, really small and not developed at all, at least 40 children there with literally no one to look after them. Every day there are a couple of workers there but only doing chores like washing sheets, cleaning the yards, cooking food, etc. These children have never seen anything other than the small farm they live on and they are completely neglected. It’s like survival of the fittest – when they get into fights or problems, they have to sort themselves out. The majority of them have a skin infection or disease of some sort. They have skin spots and open wounds that need treating. Among them there are a few that are really sick because they are sleeping all of the time – no energy, no life. Last week we went and played games with them. It was awesome seeing how happy they were! All they want is attention. Since Mandy and I have been back and forth to Zambia, we haven’t spent as much time at the projects. It’s amazing to see how happy and excited the kids are just by spending time with them. These are just a few examples of the orphanages and schools we have visited.

Among so many people here that have touched my heart, one person I would like to mention is an ACTS guide as well. He is 18 years old and an orphan. He is truly an amazingly sincere, servant-hearted guy. He is a phenomenal cook and has been guiding a few trips so I have spent some time with him here and there. One evening we stayed up late talking and he shared with me his life story – absolutely incredible. I was so humbled as he shared with me his childhood. He has experienced more in his life than I could ever imagine. He lost his parents, was physically and verbally abused by his step-mother, gone through a time when he and his sister was literally starving, and was once mugged – held at gunpoint. I could go on… He sat there and shared with me so many experiences and how God has kept him safe and alive. He was blown away when I told him I have four parents. He couldn’t imagine. We are so different – completely different lives and we both ended up here working with ACTS. It’s amazing how God works. It’s so humbling to see what all a person can experience and how God creates him to be such a remarkable person. Thinking back over times when I complain because I have two family gatherings going on at the same time and I can’t attend both – thinking about that now makes me sick to my stomach. I am so incredibly blessed. Be sure to thank God for your family. I’ve been thanking Him for mine every day.

I will update in the next few days about mine & Mandy's trip. brace yourself.